Executive Overview

Office of the Chief Dysfunction Officer

Executive Summary

Aleksi Torvikoski - Founder and Chief Dysfunction Officer

I'm Aleksi Torvikoski, and I'm responsible for this.

As founder and principal shareholder of Hamster Wheel Operations (100% equity, 0% returns), I'm required to disclose that yes, this is satire. No, that doesn't make it less true.

This operation was founded in Q1 2026 as both a creative outlet and a technical demonstration—proof that one can build an over-engineered website for a band that exists primarily to mock the very culture that demands over-engineered solutions.

NOTE: I automate everything. Even the satire.

aleksi.torvikoski.fi LinkedIn

The Vision

Strategic Objective

Modern corporate culture has become a parody of itself—endless meetings about meetings, metrics that measure nothing, and a vocabulary designed to obscure rather than illuminate. It's ripe for satire, and somehow, nobody was doing it with heavy guitars.

Dual Execution Strategy

This project exists at the intersection of musical catharsis and web development therapy. The songs satirize workplace dysfunction. The website satirizes corporate web presence. Both are deliberately excessive. Both are sincere in their absurdity.

Competitive Advantage

Unlike actual corporations, we acknowledge the absurdity. We treat a metal band like a startup, complete with core values, culture deck, and incident reports—because the joke writes itself when you take corporate language seriously in a context where it makes even less sense than usual.

Expected Outcomes

Musical outlet for workplace frustration
Technical showcase disguised as band website
Satire with multiple layers of irony
Portfolio piece that doubles as art project
Zero measurable business impact (by design, and also by accident)

Primary Digital Footprint

For transparency and regulatory compliance (there are no regulations), here's where you can verify my existence and review my professional credentials:

Personal Portfolio

Primary documentation of existence and capabilities. Contains evidence of competence in projects where I was required to be serious.

aleksi.torvikoski.fi

Professional Network

The place where I pretend to be a grown-up and list skills in order of perceived marketability.

LinkedIn Profile

Technical Disclosure

This website was built with Next.js 15, React 19, TypeScript, and Tailwind CSS—a technology stack approximately 600% more sophisticated than necessary for a band website. This is intentional. The over-engineering is part of the satire.

Features include: server-side rendering, optimized images, MDX blog system, custom UI component library, and a design system with more documentation than the band has songs. It's a technical demonstration wrapped in corporate parody wrapped in a metal band.

For enterprise source code licensing inquiries, please allow 6-8 business quarters for response.

Risk Disclosure

Performance Warning: Past performance satirizing corporate culture is not indicative of future dysfunction. Market conditions may vary. Your mileage may differ. Objects in satire are more absurd than they appear.

Investment Risk: Investment in this project (specifically, your time reading this page) may result in existential questioning, workplace disillusionment, or the sudden realization that your own company's values page sounds exactly like our satirical one.

Legal Disclaimer: No actual companies were harmed in the making of this satire. Any resemblance to real corporations, living or defunct, is entirely intentional but also coincidental. We're satirizing the system, not your specific hellscape.

Forward-Looking Statements: This page contains forward-looking statements about future releases, creative output, and continued operation. All such statements are subject to change based on motivation, free time, and the ongoing state of late-stage capitalism.